What if?

What if?

What if? Using those 2 words in front of almost any question can have a very powerful effect. Throughout the years you are presented with so many what if questions. Some can be answered without so much as a single thought – others will take time, thought and effort.
It was so much easier when we were younger and the what if questions were so much simpler. What if you didn’t look right? What if someone spoke to you? What if you didn’t pass a test? What if … add all social questions… These questions were devastating for a shy girl in school. They seemed like the wrong answer could ruin your entire life.
During the past two years I have began to pose the what if questions to myself. When the symptoms began to appear of course the questions were “What is this?, “Why can’t they find out what is wrong?, Could this really be in my head?, Why can’t someone find something to stop the migranes. I found a doctor who was willing to take the time, listen to me and begin running tests to eliminate some of the possibilities. It left me with more questions. This is when after talking to my family I found that most of the conditions they were trying to rule out were in my family history.
The researcher in me sent me to hours of looking online. Googling the symptoms. More ?’s. I was finally diagnosed ~ Yeah ~ an answer to my questions. This should be such a relief.
The only relief I felt was that I had proof to those who doubted my symptoms were real. I had proof it was not in my head. That relief only lasted for a short time. After that I searched for blogs, chat rooms, articles and websites where I could read more on Fibromyalgia. I have met the most amazing people who have been living with Fibro and all of it’s other conditions for years. I have had many questions answered by them. They too are still dealing with trying to find answers to questions.
Fibromites are always struggling answering.. Will this medicine be the one to help? What side affects will I get? What happens when either the fog or the physical pain is too much to bear? Will I lose my job? How can I stay an active part of my child’s life? What if I can’t walk anymore?
It was so much easier as a child – Does so and so like me? I used to complain about the question “What is for supper?”.
I always thought having a crystal ball would be so great ~ showing the answers to all my questions.
I have changed my mind ~ as difficult as this question answering journey has been for me. I would not have grown to understand disabilities that are unseen. I would not have been brave enough to start this blog and even share the site withother’s to (ugh) read. I would not have gone white water rafting.
I would have stopped to ask myself what if qustions and I would have just lived with “this is my life.”
I would not have decided that the dragonfly’s existence should be everyone’s life motto “live life to the fullest”.
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