Happy New Year?

  
It is only November and people are already talking about New Years resolutions.
My co-workers said I bet you are looking forward to next year.
I have to admit for a brief second I thought to myself in a very negative tone.
“How can I be looking forward to next year ~ facing the unknown?”  
“What if it doesn’t get better?”
“What if it gets worse?”
While I was sitting beside my Grandmother the last 4 days of her life I had plenty of time to think.
The week before she had been bedridden unable to walk.   Her body had been overtaken by Kidney Cancer.  She needed help to drink, eat, take her medication, and even to move.
I thought of my dear neighbor Cleo.  She lost her battle this year.  In her last few weeks of life she wasn’t able to even out of her chair and walk.  She allowed Fibro and all of its evil sidekicks to not only take over her life but take her life.
This could be in my future if I don’t keep fighting.
I thought about my life as Pre-Fibro and Post-Fibro or “in my previous life” which is before my symptoms went full speed ahead.
In my previous life I was a planner. Rephrase that – I was a committed planner. I would plan on going shopping or scrap booking with my friend, activities with my family, grocery shopping, trips to see my family, etc. and would really do it.
In this stage of my life I soft plan things. I change plans and back out of them way too many times.
I was focused.
Was being the operative word. My thoughts jump from one to another ~ provided I can remember my thoughts.
I worked hard.  Not just at my job but at everything that I did.  Now, I rest in-between working.
I have been in a very low place as of late.
I have a justified reason for being sad. Our family lost so many important people this year.
The most difficult being my Grandmother.
Sadness is to be expected.
However, I can’t seem to find my way out. I have been told that this is life.
That no one lives forever. That I have to “get over it”.
My internal reply; well Life sucks.
I found myself crying the other day that I wish this was all over.
The emotional hurt and physical pain have been to great.
“How can I live to the age of 92 in this kind of pain?”
While writing our families Christmas letter I found myself struggling to find the good  in 2013.
I have worked so hard the past 3 years to focus on the positive.
It is what my Facebook page, support group and my blog have been based.
We as Fibromites need to face the future ready for battle. We have to be Warriors.
A Warrior is defined as “One who is engaged aggressively or energetically in an activity, cause or conflict”.
Sometimes we don’t have the strength to be a Warrior by ourselves.
We then need to have others help us fight our battles with and for us.
As the new year arrives all of my friends are posting their year in review. 
I have decided to not look back with negativity. 
I have chosen to remember the past with fond memories and forward with hope.
I have made wonderful friends because I have Fibro.  My friend Celeste told me to “write a doable affirmation and commit it to memory.”
An affirmation is an intention to a goal.  It should be positive, present tense and doable.  You have to believe it is possible and be committed to reach the goal.
While researching affirmations I found the following;
“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within.  It is there all the time.” ~ Anna Freud
It took some time; but I finally came up with what I wanted to be my affirmation.
i can do
 “I am committed to eat healthy, keep moving and rest when needed.”
“I am committed to being positive and in control of my own life.”

warriorI am a Fibro Warrior ~ Living Life

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One thought on “Happy New Year?

  1. hi there thanks for posting-I to have had a rough year,BOY HAS IT BEEN ROUGH,but I made it and am looking for a better year and know it will be-it just has to be-am struggling with fibro more today I think because is snowing and is sooo cold.hope YOU have a better year too and may god bless you real good!

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