We learn from experience and the past 365 days have certainly given me a lot to learn.
I started this past year praying that it would be better than 2013.
Our family had experienced many great losses during that year.
No surprise with the deaths and my S.A.D. that the first 3 months this year I was living in the darkest depression of my life.
On April 25th, after 21 years of working at a job often putting it ahead of family time I loss my job. I was devastated. Usually when very bad things happen you can confide in your Family & Friends to help ease your pain. My circumstances put me in a position that I was not/am not ever allowed to “get it off my chest”.
After the shock wore off I was scared. “Who would hire me?”, “How was I going find a job that I would be able to work only 7 hours a day needed for my health?”(per FMLA) and “How would I pay our bills?”
Once I was signed up for Unemployment I was fortunate the State I was in offered many amazing classes.
I spent the rest of Spring/Summer applying & interviewing for jobs, attending Re-employment classes where I learned so much about what I am capable of doing and what kind of work best suits me. I worked on my writing, broadening my contacts, beautifying the yard and creating a memorial garden for my Grandmother.
I had never been turned down for a job ~ Until Now.
I also spent the entire Spring/Summer with only 2 major FLARES.
Of course I still had the fatigue and pain but the levels had dropped significantly. I had not realized how much the stress from my job was affecting my health.
From the moment that our Daughter was born I have said that when she entered High School I wanted to be working in the School system again. I wanted to be there for her High School years. I realize this sounds callous but I thought anyone could watch a baby sleeping but the challenging time is when they are in HS with their choice in friends, activities and future. I had gone to College and worked in school districts previously so I applied for an Aide position.
A week before school started I was called to an interview before I made it home I was called and offered a position.
I was so excited to have a job in the school system I said yes before I even had an understanding of what this job would entail. I learned I would be working with students whose first language was not English.
A little problem; I speak only English.
I have fallen in love with my job, the children & their families. The love and appreciation that they show could teach so many. I feel like I am back where I belong.
In October I was awarded a scholarship to attend the LAPAN NFMCPA(Leaders Against Pain Action Network~National conference in Salt Lake City, Utah. It was not only a wonderful honor but an educational and inspirational experience. I will be writing Inspirational Patient Stories for their website, assisting with the Newsletter and representing/reporting back to NFMCPA regarding Wisconsin’s state initiatives. Again, I have been given a job of which I know nothing about yet I am still so very excited.
So what have I learned from the past 365 days?
I have learned that the pain of true loss eases – it doesn’t go away but it does let up. I had written a poem when we loss my Grandpa. The words spoke to me again now; “A whisper in the wind told all the people in the land that there would be light again never as light as before but light . The world would move never as smooth as before but move. The oceans and birds would once again make sound never as sweet as before but sound”,
My Grandmothers message she sent me was to “Embrace Change”
I learned that quotes that I was getting really tired of hearing actually can come true. i.e. “When one door closes another door opens”, “Every thing happens for a reason”, “The sun will come up tomorrow”, “Something better is out there”.
Today is January 1st – the start of a brand new year. While so many make New Years resolutions I do not however I made a promise this year. I plan on connecting with more FIBRO Warriors, to offer support, education and advocacy.
I choose to embrace change, seek the positive, learn more each day, give to others and LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST and LIVE for Today.
Many of my Fibromite friends posted their wishes for 2015.
It wasn’t surprising to me that their Hope for Tomorrow was for a cure.
Yes, I would like a Cure.
I also wish my Daughter does not have the genetic make up to develop any of my diagnosed syndromes/Diseases.
My Hope for Tomorrow is that as Fibro Warriors~Living Life
we will continue to help others LEARN~LIVE~HOPE!