Star light…Star bright

Star light… Star bright

To understand this .. you need to have an image in your mind.
I am writing this – dressed in sweatpants, tshirt – feet up – sitting in my big comfy chair – all lights off – all blinds shut – tv on so quiet – typing away on my laptop at 2:30 in the afternoon. Why?
I am so mad. I let this **** fibro thing win today. I left work at noon today. I could not take another minute – after 3 meltdowns – it was time to come home.
I am on day 3 of a flare up. This is the worst one I have experienced so far. I have not slept well since Friday night. The pain is tremendous. I am not sure that I have any spot on my body right now that I can say is pain free. I have a icy hot patch on my side – an ice pack on my back. I called the Doctor at 8:00 a.m. and again at Noon. I still have not heard back any reply.
I have met the most supportive wonderful people on Healingwell.com and on Pro-Health. These people understand – they were online having the same issues as I was at Midnight last night. I have heard some wonderful advice from them. I plan on trying a few of the suggestions. Many of my new contacts have not worked for years. They are not able to do early half the things that I can accomplish in a day.
I should not be “whining” – but rather – “celebrating” the fact that I can still be so active and continue to work. But here I am – feeling guilty that I could not make it another 3 hours of work. That – here I sit – when I can see that the house needs to be vaccumed, dusted, dishes (put away) – why am I not fixing supper – instead – I sit here – researching fibro, playing frontierville on fb, and waiting impatiently for the phone to ring for some medical relief of some kind.
I will soon get my swimsuit and head to the local pool. That is me grasping at the last straw (hoping)- swimming will help, the hot tub will relax the muscles.
So as I go to bed tonight; I say – Star light, Star bright – first start I see tonight; I wish I may – I wish I might – have some restful sleep tonight.

How are you today?

“How are you today?”

I was standing in line at walmart, the clerk asked the ladies in front of me “how are you”, did you find every thing ok? They answered in robot fashion ..”good” and “yes”. I waited my turn thinking of my past 3 days. Less then 12 hours of sleep in 3 days. The pain that was so bad that I left work at noon in tears. Mad that I was letting the darn fibro win…I called the doc twice with no reply. I went swimming but it didn’t help. I had a call that said another prescription was waiting for me. I had went to walmart for a body pillow, more icy hot patches and some vitamin supplements. Now it was my turn at checkout ..”how are you today ?” I laughed. She looked at me like I was “off”. I said ” do you think everyone is really good and found everything they needed or just give a trained response knowing the person asking doesn’t care. I know that it is a courtesy to ask people how they are
doing but this time I looked at her and said to be honest with you I in a tremendous amount of pain, you dont have any body pillows and your Pharmacist didn’ t have any idea what malic acid was…I
laughed ..she said well at least you can still laugh about it….and I did laugh until I was in my van..
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