The year of 2010 – consisted of what most Fibro patients will tell you. Tests, Tests, Tests (and the occasional it is all in your head). I finally decided to go to a Doctor that had no idea about my previous health history. I wanted a fresh perspective and luckily that is what I got. This very young Doctor was signing me up to rule out everything that she could – I am grateful for that. Finally, in the beginning of December – the diagnosis was made that I had Fibromyalgia. At least now – I could research – find some information, what could I do to help make this better? I had already been seeing a Counselor to work on the emotional problems I was having and some marital issues. But at least now all of these symptoms made sense to me. This is why I had all of the following: Headaches, Exhaustion, Insomnia, Chronic muscle pain, Stiffness, Fevers, Emotional rollercoasters, Anxious and Depressed, Jaw tenderness, Difficulty remembering, concentrating (Fibro Fog), Increase in urinary urgency, and feeling of swelling (without actual swelling). I didn’t really deal with it on an emotional level. I dealt with it completely on a cognitive level. Ok.. my approach was now I have this now research it to death. Learn everything. Talk to everyone who has had it or knows someone who does. It was several weeks later at work when it finally hit me – this sucks – this is what I am going to have to struggle with on a daily basis for the rest of my life. I went to call my Parent’s (I have never used speed dial for their number)- the number was gone. Now, I know that everyone forgets things… but it hit me .. I couldn’t remember their number. I freaked out. The crying was unstoppable. It was the third thing that week that I could not recall. Something that I had memorized. It has been pointed out to my by my Counselor that had I been thinking – I could have looked it up by speed dial on my phone. But I wasn’t thinking – I was emotionally a mess and I went home for the day crying. My 10 year old – asked me “Do you have the kind of memory when people forget who their kids are?” That was too much – It was time to figure out how to use both emotional and cognitive thinking in a joint rational way… Oh this should be easy.
So the story should start at the beginning.. but it would be too much to tell. A good place tho is to say that like most “Women/”Mom’s”.. I have spent my life taking care of others. I started at the age of 5 taking care of my Sister and have never stopped taking care of others, doing what they wanted to not cause waves, etc. I stress easily – more like anxiety than anything. November – 2009 – my estranged Mother-In-Law passed away leaving us an experience that I do not wish on anyone. Stress, Physical strain and no sleep – aggravated my already sensitive body. Well, I can tell the spelling is shot – as is my brain.. bedtime.. more tomorrow. (originally posted 03/11/2011)