I continued to go to Counseling to try to figure out how to deal with the new obstacle in my life. Many of the things I learned I do on a daily basis. I have breathing excercises, tensing and relaxing my body, cold compacts on my forehead when it is racing, stopping when and emotional situation arises and actually think does this emotion warrant the situation. I am trying to balance. Another thing my Counselor said which made me think was “Last Sunday, when I was in Church – I am certain that I was not praying to you”, his point – It was not my job to make everyone else in my life happy, that I myself was not happy and that could not possibly be “there” for others if I can not be there for myself. He also pointed out that just because someone states something does not make it real. He asks.. is it a statement or a fact. Think about it. I started to put myself first (felt guilty at first), I made a point to start going to water gym classes, (now I am addicted) – it is what keeps me walking, keeps my mind settled. I have tried and continue to try various medicines and vitamins. I am currently on Luxipro (works for me), Vit. D, Multi Vitamin, Fish Oil, Calcium, Vit. B, Tylenol (like candy), Nortryptiline & Melatonin (these 2 for sleeping and migranes). I like all other Fibro patients, have pain every day. The more sleep I have the better I feel. The more excercise in the pool I have the better I feel. The pain does not go away. My main trigger points are my hips, my lower back, my gluets, the back of my next and the headaches. I am very sensitive to the cold and to light. I continue to work full time, have a child in the 5th grade that is very very active in activities (of which I participate in most), and am married (we are currently in counseling – again). Yesterday, I had a good day and did more than normal. I went to a water zumba class, a water gym class – and then went horseback riding in the afternoon. I was sure I was doing too much. Yes – this a.m. was hard to get up, move, and I am sore – but it isn’t a flare up. It is my normal Sunday. I don’t know why Sunday’s are the toughest a.m.’s for me. I am spending a lot of time online – joining some discussion boards – listening to other’s who are in similar situations. I continue to write.. I can’t seem to create poems when I am medicated and balanced – maybe that will come back some day.
The year of 2010 – consisted of what most Fibro patients will tell you. Tests, Tests, Tests (and the occasional it is all in your head). I finally decided to go to a Doctor that had no idea about my previous health history. I wanted a fresh perspective and luckily that is what I got. This very young Doctor was signing me up to rule out everything that she could – I am grateful for that. Finally, in the beginning of December – the diagnosis was made that I had Fibromyalgia. At least now – I could research – find some information, what could I do to help make this better? I had already been seeing a Counselor to work on the emotional problems I was having and some marital issues. But at least now all of these symptoms made sense to me. This is why I had all of the following: Headaches, Exhaustion, Insomnia, Chronic muscle pain, Stiffness, Fevers, Emotional rollercoasters, Anxious and Depressed, Jaw tenderness, Difficulty remembering, concentrating (Fibro Fog), Increase in urinary urgency, and feeling of swelling (without actual swelling). I didn’t really deal with it on an emotional level. I dealt with it completely on a cognitive level. Ok.. my approach was now I have this now research it to death. Learn everything. Talk to everyone who has had it or knows someone who does. It was several weeks later at work when it finally hit me – this sucks – this is what I am going to have to struggle with on a daily basis for the rest of my life. I went to call my Parent’s (I have never used speed dial for their number)- the number was gone. Now, I know that everyone forgets things… but it hit me .. I couldn’t remember their number. I freaked out. The crying was unstoppable. It was the third thing that week that I could not recall. Something that I had memorized. It has been pointed out to my by my Counselor that had I been thinking – I could have looked it up by speed dial on my phone. But I wasn’t thinking – I was emotionally a mess and I went home for the day crying. My 10 year old – asked me “Do you have the kind of memory when people forget who their kids are?” That was too much – It was time to figure out how to use both emotional and cognitive thinking in a joint rational way… Oh this should be easy.