I just want someone to understand.

I just want someone to understand.

When writing my blogs I think about what has occurred or bothered me that maybe can make people who are non-Fibromites to understand if even for a moment some of the things we face. It have spoken about it previously that I had researched what would help me with the light sensitivity. I had not only online but by calling optometrists to find what kind of non-prescription non-glare tinted glasses I could buy to wear instead of always wearing my dark sunglasses all the time.
I thought that it didn’t bother me anymore. The majority people that see me when I have to wear them indoors have known me long enough that they know why I have them on. I get a few comments once in awhile – like “bad day?”, or “headache?”, “rough night?”. Mostly I reply – Lights are just too bright today.
We went to get our daughter her eye exam today – perfect timing for me to get my glasses. I knew what I needed.
They had to be brown tint – level 2, non-glare coating. I had lasik years ago and the thought of having to go back was killing me. The torture part of having glasses was always picking them out. However, my Daughter has great fashion sense and the pair that I would no way have picked out was the winner.
I sit down to place the order. First, they tried to tell me they couldn’t sell them to me because my prescription had expired. Prescription? I don’t have need one. My vision is still perfect. I almost had to argue with them and said I would go elsewhere then to buy them. Once the doctor told the tech that I was fine and they could order them with a zero prescription – we continued. Then – it has to be plastic because they can’t tint the other stuff and then they can’t do the tinting and the non-glare together. It could be UV but not non-glare.
They said we have sunglasses here that you could get. I HAVE SUNGLASSES!!!! Lots of them.
I cancelled the order and left to go take a walk. I went to the bathroom – and cried. Afterwards, we did our shopping and as we were leaving I asked if they understood why it upset me so. They said not really and that “didn’t think it cry-worthy”. My reply – I don’t get to live any of my life “normal” any more. Every part of my day whether awake or asleep has cause, effect, consequences. I want to be able to sit in a room full of parents at 8 p.m. at night in a school room where the lights are too bright and still look like the others. I know it is a petty small thing but it is one of the few things I can control now.
I will go to another optical store next week and see if they can help me.
If not, I know that it is one more thing I can add to the chart – Fibro gets another check – it wins another small battle – but I will win the war.
Fibro may win when it comes it’s symptoms against my body – but I intend to keep on fighting to win the biggest challenge of all – to win the battle of the mind. Yes, I want to win the challenge of thought – how I think about it, how I react, how I deal with it all – but more importantly – to continue on support groups, blogging and connecting with those who have Fibro and those who do not.
Afterall, my wish today – is “I just want someone to understand”.
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