MIA…Oh where oh where I been?

MIA…. Oh where oh where have I been?

I am back.
So where have I been. I would love to say that I have been somewhere that the sun is shining, the stress is gone, a good book in my hand and a drink in the other as I sit under a shade tree in the shallows of a sandy beach.
Instead I have been in what is turning quite grey, cloudy and cold.
That is not only the weather here in Northern Wisconsin but my State of Physical and Emotional well-being.
Fibromites (love that term) are aware of what stress, anxiety, and weather changes can do to one’s body and mind.
The past few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster in both my personal life and my working life.
This is not new to me. I seem to attract this kind of life. Someday I will have to look at myself and see what my part is in this. However, I really don’t want to take the energy.
Back to the stress – it has an almost debilitating effect on Fibromites.
“Anxiety is thought to be the result of chemical changes in the body. Special chemicals found inside of the brain are responsible for mood and stress levels. Known as neurotransmitters, these chemicals (like serotonin) help to send messages to different receptors in the brain. These receptors than change the way we perceive and react to a situation. When levels of these neurotransmitters aren’t balanced properly, it can cause the body to experience feelings of anxiety.”
“Researchers aren’t sure why fibromyalgia patients suffer so much from anxiety, but it may have something to do with low levels of serotonin in the brain. Many fibromyalgia sufferers have low serotonin levels, and this could be responsible for the pain, depression, and anxiety that come along with fibromyalgia.”
This week – right now as I type – is a good week (so far).
Last week was the lowest I have ever been. It scared me. I spoke only when necessary. I realized by the end of the week that I had worn the same pair of jeans every day, had not applied make up at all, did not shower (except at pool). I came home one day from work – laid down on the couch, fell asleep until I was awoken for dinner, ate, fell asleep again, woken by family at 7:30 – went to bed – back to sleep until 5:30 (without any sleeping meds). I was crying at least 2-3 times a day. Uncontrollable sobs.
Most peoples reaction was “GREAT” – “You need the rest” – yes – this is true. I need my rest in order for my body to be at a low threshold of pain. But this was not “GREAT”. I am very aware of the signs of what this means. I had re-entered stages of depression – lower than ever. I truly scared myself.
It took getting back into my routine, swimming, drinking my water, eating, back in the planning mode, forcing myself into holiday thinking, and the sun to come out for me to lift the clouds over me. I forgot to use my new found friends in the Fibro community as a shoulder to cry on. I have plenty of wonderful people in my life that would offer me a shoulder. It is nice of them. They mean well and they do help. It is just easier when you are talking to someone and they have been there themselves.
I am still not out of the dark (so to speak) – soaking the sun as much as I can. But I am getting there.
I guess what the statement “I’m back” means to me. Is that I will remember to use what God has given me. The ability to spill my thoughts onto paper, the wonderful people in my life and to really look for the good in every day.
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