Who is the calm person? ~ Fibro gets the credit.

Who is this calm person? ~ Fibro gets the credit.

In the process of trying to understand fibro and what life changes need to be made to help keep it under control. I am told that and I eam the first to admit that I am a type A personality, oldest child, a caretaker – always worrying about other’s. I am not saying this to brag. I actually have been told that this is a fault. Apparantly I am not responsible for other’s (their actions or their lives). This new founded information will not change me. The fact that I have been asked “who put you in charged of everyone else’s happiness? ” does give me a sense of yes I am not that powerful and can’t help everyone.
This week has challenged me in so many ways. I have managed to come all the way out of a 2 week flare. (SHOULD READ THE MOST HORRIFIC, PAINFUL, AWFUL, SLEEPLESS FLARE EVER).
My bff was told that his heart test showed damage (well – duh after a heart attack it should not be a surprise), however – scheduled the stress test to see how damaged.
School has resumed – which brings homework wars with her Dad, the start of Girl Scouts, time crunching, and work overload. The weather has been up and down.
Family History for the reader; My Grandpa the tower of our family existence, a man known and loved by all he met – died instantly of a heart attack. He was the same age that my Dad is now.
My Dad – scheduled a knee replacement surgery – runs into the stress test telling him – he doesn’t have enough oxygen getting to the heart – and now is going in for a angioplasty and possible stints. I am 5 hours away. Torturing – am I making the right choice in when to go to him. What if I make the wrong one? How will I live with myself?
My Sister who I love with all my heart – isn’t handling this well. She has always been the one to keep her emotions under wraps. I am the one that wears her emotions on her sleeve.
This time – it is I who is the calm one. I was reflecting – how can I be calm. Two people who I love are in serious health issues – my Daughter – looks to me for security and reassurance.
But yet, I am calm. No panic attacks, No flare symptoms, I am rationalizing. A part of me wants to panic ( I can’t lose these people in my lives), (am I doing the right thing for my Daughter).
I have Fibro to thank. How uncanny? Fibro causes the most emotional and physical distress. Yet, Fibro has taught me the skills to get through the “we don’t know stage” of events. I believe it has opened me to the idea that I can’t control these things, that I need to see what will come and when it does – take a deep breath and go forward. It has given me the most amazing people – people that I see struggle a million times more than I and they go on – they are my teachers, friends and my heroes.
I have changed. I have become a much calmer person. Less emotional. I still have my meltdowns – but they are usually contributed to pain. I have listened to the Counselor – I use my breathing methods, I try to use open hands, I am reaching for something ( a home – a place of solitude), Cold packs on the head, looking at the facts and not the emotions. He would be so proud of me.
I have been with the exception of tonight – I have been getting good sleep (thanks to some new drugs), back to the swimming pool, and trying to eat healthy. I am approaching life from a diffrent view – thanks to FIBRO.
Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Looking forward to hearing your comments!