Anyone who is a parent has lived through the sleepless nights of a sick child. You may go to sleep but there is some special sensor that goes on when from the other room comes the soft cry “mom”.
The week after Thanksgiving weekend our 12 year old daughter came down with a virus.
My husband works third shift so we play tag-team parenting when she is home now that she is older. He can sleep during the day and if she needs him she will wake him up. He always has a chance to catch up on his sleep once I get home before he goes to work.
Her virus included sore throat, uncontrollable cough, high temp, chills and nausea. She was up off and on all night long for three nights in a row. Mom sense kicked in and I slept very light; she would either say “mom” or start to come out of her room and I was awake. It would be time for the next round of medication, cough drops, cool wash cloth for her forehead and laying down with her till she was almost out. That was a sure sign my pre-teen was sick. She wanted Mom to stay with her.
I kept thinking this could be one of the last times that she really needs me and I should be completely there for her not wishing how much I was in bed sleeping.
This is where Fibro guilt and Fibro reality sinks in ~ again.
I live every day trying not to let Fibro ruin my parenting. I still feel so bad about what I was thinking those three nights. Every time I woke up with her she would apologize. ”I’m sorry mom.. you need sleep”, ”that’s OK hun”, “I love you” and I would remind her “that is what Mommies do for their kids”. Even as I said it ~ I was thinking ~ I just want to be in bed, I am so tired.
I began to dread the calls from her. I would sit with her just praying she would be able to sleep. Hands cupping my face over my eyes. Headache pounding.
I love my daughter more than anything in the world. I really dislike the fact that she is growing up so fast and doesn’t need me as much any more.
However ~ Reality is my body needs routine. It is the rare Fibromite that figures out how to sleep thru the night. I am one of the Lucky ones. I found the “magic” combination of prescribed meds, sleep hygiene, supplements and over the counter sleep aids to help me sleep if I am lucky every night. However, even when sleeping thru the night (as much as 9 hours) I am never rested.
By the end of the fourth day; with the exception of the cough she was back to her normal self.
Me? ~ I came home from work early that day – just to end up lying on the couch. Completly toast. I was having problems staying awake. Yawning all day long at work. Fog had taken over and concentration was impossible. The wonderful trigger points were turning into very large balls under my skin. Pain everywhere.
She was a terrible sleeper until she was the age of two. I never had any sleep. I wonder how in the heck I would have ever survived had the Fibro taken over my body when she was a baby.
I think that I am learning lessons every day in my life from others and from myself thanks to Fibro.
What would my lesson be this time?
I am a very busy full time working wife and mom that is barely managing to get through anything in my life. My to do’s at my job are piling up. I struggle to get my housework, grocery shopping, girl scouts, support pages, etc. completed. Guilt always surrounds my thoughts.
So? My lesson?
I will cherish every sick night I can comfort my daughter.
That no matter how much is or is not getting done or how I feel I am doing my very best.
The reward; Spending time with my daughter. I have seen how she is with myself and others when they are sick ~ She is a very caring person. I hope she sees a Mom that tries to do her best at everything without giving up and a Mom that isn’t perfect, that is sick and sometimes has to learn her limits.
I am a Fibro Warrior ~ Living Life