What is the right choice?

decisions decisionsAs a parent with Fibromyalgia and its evil sidekicks there are so many times when we are faced with deciding what we should or should not do. We have to look at each activity with how can I make this as comfortable for me as possible. What should I take with me? Understanding that the days following could be very difficult.

I keep telling myself and others that I want our Daughter to see a Mom who despite adversities continues to be a Fibro~Warrior Living Life. I also want her to realize that there are going to be some days that .. well.. suck!

This summer I have cancelled 2 trips to Illinois because I was afraid of driving myself. I also went on a great 2 day vacation where we went hiking, saw waterfalls and went paddle boarding.

I asked my support group what they felt was the worst symptom of Fibromyalgia. I posted that the Fog was what I hated the most. I have had time to think about that and my answer has changed. I think that what I hate most is that I am or rather was an organized planned person. All of that has changed. My answer is when most people ask me what I am doing is well depending how I am feeling …

I feel robbed of my freedom. No one is holding me down and saying that I can’t go somewhere or do something but I have to think of the consequences of my choices.

Our daughter like most teenage girls is a huge Taylor Swift fan. She and I have gone the past two years. This year my husband decided that he would like to go with so we purchased 4 tickets for the Saturday night performance.
Why 4? Why Saturday night?
Even tho she still likes hanging out with her parents – she would much rather go with a friend.
I chose Saturday night because I knew that we would not get home until close to Midnight. I needed Sunday to recoup and she would need to get some rest before school on Monday.

On Christmas he surprised us with an envelope that had 3~VIP tickets to the Sunday night concert.

She was excited to know that she would get to go the pre-concert back stage pass and receive all of the Taylor Swift Red products they would be sending her. The seats are in Row 6 and the possibility of actually meeting her. Most of all she wanted to take a friend.

Over the past 9 months she has asked if her Dad could stay home and then we could take a friend. I did the correct Mom thing and told her that her Dad bought us this gift and he was going with us. I don’t agree with what he did but I do think that it is wonderful that he did it. But he now realizes that we always bring our “spare”. Our daughter has a wonderful friend that we have started bringing with us on differentst activities. She is my “spare”.

I wanted to give up my ticket and let her bring a friend. But based on advice from many I stuck to my decision that we were going as a Family. I really was struggling with this decision. I wanted her to have the time of her life going with a friend to share this amazing experience.

This Friday I called the Mom of our “spare” and asked if she would be able to go with them to the concert.

I found myself not making the decision because I wanted her to have a great time with a friend but because I didn’t think I would enjoy it. It would mean starting at 2:45 p.m. with an hour drive, standing in line waiting for doors to open, standing during the pre-party, then fighting crowds to the bathroom, T-shirt sales,and finally the seats. The warm up band was starting at 7:00 p.m. and Taylor Swift starting at 8 p.m. The earliest we would be home would be 11:30 p.m.

I could already feel how exhausted and in pain my body was going to be the next day when the alarm went off at 6:00 a.m.

It was hard telling the Mom that I wanted her daughter to go in my place. I don’t want my illness to be what ruins activities like this concert. After all of the stress of deciding whether to go or not go. I found myself happy that I had chosen to stay home. I had a nice quiet relaxing night at home with the puppy. I was in bed early. I did not get much sleep but I still felt rested and they had a wonderful time.decisions

I know that as a Mom I will always doubt when it comes to decisions about our Daughter. However, I do want to be a Mom that makes decisions that are going to be right for both her an myself. I know now that at times that will mean that I need to start putting my health first and maybe miss out on some memories.

It is worth it to me to trade a few concert memories for a lifetime of more important memories.

I am a Fibro~Warrior  ~ Living Life!


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