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Letting go of your Hope & Dreams
A few days ago a friend posted a status on facebook. The status read “Having to let go of your hopes and dreams really sucks”. I left a comment saying “Yeah, it really does. You just have to find a new dream and hold on until it comes true”. I just couldn’t stop thinking about her status though. For hours, random thoughts pertaining to that statement flooded my mind.
I cannot begin to tell you how many hopes and dreams were violently ripped away from me, due to Fibromyalgia. The dream of a healthy, pain-free life. The dream of growing old with my husband. The hope of staying active. The hope of always being surrounded by my friends.
What did I get instead? A life filled with pain and fatigue on a daily basis. A husband who walked out on me roughly two months after diagnosis. A sedimentary lifestyle, sometimes not being able to leave the house for a week at a time. Friends that got tired of my so-called excuses that I couldn’t do something with them at the drop of a hat. I’m left with two friends. A couple that lives about a half-hour from me.
I’m not going to say that I haven’t ever been upset at the way my life has turned out. In fact I’ve cried, sobbed even, at times. I’ve felt sadness and heartache; I’ve felt angry. I’ve questioned more than once “Why me?”. I do still get depressed time to time. Depression, another lovely co-morbidity of Fibromyalgia.
Ultimately, I’ve learned to accept my new life; my new “normal”. I’ve found new hopes, and new dreams. I’ve learned to pace myself with my activities to try and dodge a week-long pain and insomnia flare. I’ve adapted to my new life, and I’m going to do everything within my power to make it as good of a life for myself as I possibly can.
I know that I’m not the only one who’s had to let go of their dreams due to a chronic illness such as Fibromyalgia. As each hope, or each dream, slipped out of my grasp I felt alone though. I didn’t understand why this was happening to me. I thought that no one could possibly understand what I was going through.
. I’m sure that someone out there reading this may be feeling the devastation of losing a hope or dream, and feels alone. I’m here to tell you that you’re not. Every person that has Fibromyalgia, or any other type of chronic illness, has been exactly where you’re at today. Things will get better. You’ll learn to adapt to this lifestyle just as I have. You’ll find new hopes, and new dreams, to aspire to.
Every time I get upset about something I can’t do I repeat the saying “You get what you get and don’t throw a fit” to myself. It’s a gentle reminder to myself that for every thing that I cannot do, there’s something else that I can do. I don’t understand why any of us have to lead the life that we do. Severe pain, fatigue, and general malaise shouldn’t have to be part of anyone’s daily life. Unfortunately for us though, it is.
Take a minute and think about where you want your life to go. Make sure you factor in the physical limitations that you have due to your illness, then reach for those stars! You can still shine bright, your constellation has just been rearranged. Now, you’ll shine like a great big butterfly and light the night! If you get down, look to the sky and you’ll see millions of us gently flapping our wings right along side of you.
Amy Mullholand ~ Owner/Author